Dear Baby Boy

Jackson,

Today you are a week old. I can’t believe how fast time has flown by and I can only imagine that this is a foreshadowing of how life will be as your mommy. I am determined to do my best to document the little and the big of your precious life so that we can always remember the special moments of the past. I wanted to take the time to write down your birth story and some of the thoughts and feelings that I have now that you are a part of my world.

Your birth day started around 5am on Wednesday July 8, 2015. I had just finished going to the bathroom for the FOURTH time that night and was heaving my big belly self back into bed when I felt a gush of liquid. I couldn’t believe it. As you are my first, I had nothing to compare breaking water to, but I knew this must be it. I calmly walked back into the bathroom and called to your dad who was still asleep. “Babe, I think we might need to go to the hospital soon…” Your daddy walked into the bathroom, asked me a series of questions, and then told me to call your grandma and double check if my symptoms matched that of a water break. It turns out that they did! Your grandma asked me if I was having any contractions to which I replied, “No” and then she advised me to eat breakfast because once I was at the hospital they would not allow me to eat anything. Your daddy and I took our time getting ready to leave. I had most of our things packed, but needed to add a few more items to our bags. I ate a bowl of cut up peaches, bananas, granola, and milk and then it was time to head out! Winston could sense that something was going on.  We left him a few treats and told him that when we came back we would have a new brother for him! We like to think that he understoodJ

When we arrived at Utah Valley Regional Medical Center in Provo at about 8:00am, we checked in and I had to fill out a few forms before we were able to head up to the labor and delivery floor. Your dad chatted with the ladies on staff. He has a special way with people; they seem to instantly connect with him and feel comfortable around him. We were walked to room 21 and I was told to change into my hospital gown and wait for the nurse to come and check me. The nurse arrived shortly after that and she did a series of tests to confirm that my water had broken. It turns out that we were right and that you were going to be born that day! She also told us that I was dilated to 2.5 centimeters and about 90% effaced. I remember exchanging looks with your dad-- we both knew that our whole world was about to change.

Our nurse, Maggie, was better than I could have ever imagined. She was my age and so much fun. We connected instantly and even found out that we knew some of the same people in Provo. I knew that we were in good hands and that Maggie was going to take great care of us. Around 9:00am I was hooked up to monitors that tracked your heart rate and my contractions. An IV was also put in so that I could receive fluids and Pitocin, which would help speed up the labor process.

Your grandma had already planned to come to Provo to go hiking with Uncle Dallin and Uncle Easton that morning, which turned out to be a very convenient coincidence since your daddy and Nurse Maggie had not eaten yet. Grandma grabbed them some Chickfila and dropped it off at the hospital. No food for mom though, just tigers blood flavored ice chips!

Around 11:00am my contractions became a little more painful than I was willing to deal with. I asked Nurse Maggie if I should go ahead and get the epidural or if I should wait a little longer. She advised me to hold off a little since most women really hate the feeling of “dead legs” that the epidural gives. I agreed with her and decided to hold off for a while, but at 11:30 I was done with the pain and I wanted to labor with a smile on my face rather than a grimace. Your daddy told Maggie I was ready for the epidural, she checked me again and confirmed that I was now 4 centimeters dilated and 100% effaced, and then the anesthesiologist entered our room about 5 minutes later. Throughout my pregnancy with you I was terrified of the idea of getting an epidural. I knew for sure that I wanted one, but on TV the needle that they use looks so long and scary! Turns out that it really isn’t that bad. I just had to lay on my side VERY still. I felt a small poke, some weird pressure, and a wave of cold air. It was done within a few minutes. No big deal at all! Your dad watched the entire thing--- he wants to be a doctor you know? In about thirty minutes I felt instant relief. Modern medicine is great. I was so thankful to be able to relax and enjoy what was coming next.

Throughout the rest of the day, I responded to numerous text messages, played on my phone, and watched Parenthood on my iPad. Your dad sat on the couch next to me and tried to get some studying done for school and the MCAT. I’m not sure that he was very successful though. He had a lot on his mind! Nurse Maggie came in periodically to check on us. She would watch your heart rate and my contractions on the monitor and fill us in on anything that we might need to know. She really was so wonderful. She answered each of my questions no matter how silly they were!

At about 1:30 Maggie came in to our room to check my cervix and to see how things were progressing. I was now dilated to 5.5 centimeters. Slowly but surely things were moving along. An hour later at 2:30 Maggie came in again and to our surprise I had dilated to a 10! We were all shocked. This meant that it was time to get you here. Maggie called the doctor and was told to have us “rest and descend”. They do this with a lot of first time moms so that things can sort of open up in the birth canal. I watched some more Parenthood and at 3:30 we started pushing.

Just like with the epidural, pushing wasn’t like anything I had seen on TV either. There was no sweating, grunting, or screaming obscenities at your father. Things were calm and simple. With each contraction I would cycle through 3 rounds of pushing—10 seconds each. Maggie counted out loud for me for a while, but then your dad took over. He and Maggie held my legs to make things a little easier. We also had a resident in our room, Dr. Terry, helping out with things. He was learning to be a doctor and since that’s what your daddy wants to do, I figured it only made sense to allow him to be a part of the process. We pushed for about an hour and a half before the doctor was called. During that time the four of us chatted about so many random things. I was able to laugh and joke through the entire process (while chewing on loads of ice chips) and it was good for your dad to be able to talk to Dr. Terry about medical school and the life of a resident.

Dr. Heather Dabling entered our delivery room around 5:00. I cannot say enough good things about her. Dr. Dabling is calm and sweet. She is encouraging, kind, and she embodies all of the things that you want in a doctor. She sat down in her chair and we got to work. After pushing through a few more contractions you entered the world. I cried, your dad cried, and you even cried! I think that you were happy to be out of such a tight space! Another nurse that was in the room to take care of you put you on my chest. I couldn’t believe that you were finally here. I wish that I could express what I was feeling a little better, but it is so hard to describe the emotions that I felt. I instantly fell in love with you. Being a mom felt amazing. The nurse took you off of my chest for a little bit, weighed and measured you, and cleaned you up. She announced that you were 7 pounds 4 ounces and 19 and a half inches of pure perfection. She put you back on my chest as the doctor and nurses began to finish up.

This is where things begin to get a little foggy for me. I started to feel very nauseous and told Dr. Dabling that I wasn’t feeling well. Maggie handed me a throw up bag and I asked your dad to take you off of my chest. Unbeknownst to me, I had started to hemorrhage. I was losing a lot of blood much too fast. Dr. Dabling ordered the nurses to give me different rounds of medicine in hopes that the bleeding would slow down. She massaged my abdomen vigorously to help my uterus to contract. This hurt! I was in some serious pain. After waiting for 2 minutes to see if the drugs would stop the bleeding Dr. Dabling inserted a balloon-like mechanism, called a Bakri postpartum balloon, that would inflate and apply pressure to the inside of my uterus and help the bleeding to stop. Thankfully this worked. At this point, I had been given a very heavy pain medication through my IV and I have very few memories of what happened next.

I remember being very sick. The medication that I was given made it impossible for me to even keep water down. To say that I was thirsty would be an understatement! I was in and out of a deep sleep for the rest of the day. Your dad was amazing and made sure that you and I were taken care of. He spent time with you in the nursery getting your first bath and made sure to check on me often and fill me in on what was happening with you. Grandma and Aunt Janelle were at the hospital to snap pictures of all of the important first moments of your life. I am so grateful for this since I was not able to witness any of it.

Later that night, I remember your dad coming into the room. He was there to check on me again and give me an update on you. He gently woke me up and I told him that I needed a blessing and that he should call Uncle Dallin to assist. He agreed and I fell asleep again. I wasn’t awake to hear the blessing that your dad gave me, but I know that it was perfect because I know how much he loves me, and how much he loves you. He went through so much on this day—probably more than I will ever understand. It is one of our biggest blessings to have him hold the priesthood and lead our family. Your dad is AWESOME.

We stayed on the labor and delivery floor that night because doing so made sure that I would receive one-on-one care from the nurses. In the morning, I had to get a blood transfusion because of all of the blood that was lost. This was given through my IV and was done within an hour—so fast! Shortly after that, I was moved down to the fourth floor where mothers and babies stay. This floor was much more relaxed and I only saw a nurse every other hour. We had a few visitors who came to see you: Great Grandma and Grandpa Homer, Uncles Dallin, Gavin, and Easton, Aunt Janelle and cousins Kaitlyn and Kamryn. Of course everyone loved you instantly… you are one cute baby! I spent the night on floor 4, you slept in the nursery, and we sent your dad home to get some rest and to be with Winston.

The next day we had a relaxing morning. The lactation specialist came in to help me nurse (which you still refuse to do a week later as I write this), I ate a yummy lunch, and Grandma came a little later in the day to keep me company. Your dad had to go to school so we didn’t see him until late in the afternoon. The nurses continued to come in throughout the day and check on me and my blood levels. Even today they still aren’t where they need to be, but the doctor said I could go home if I promised to take an iron supplement every day for the anemia that all the blood loss caused. We went home around 6:00 pm. Your daddy took all of our stuff to the car and brought it around to the front of the hospital. You and I were wheeled out to the car in a wheel chair. We took a picture, got in the car, and the rest is history.

Now you are home with us. You like to wake up in the middle of the night, you need constant attention because you get hungry A LOT, and sometimes your bum is a little smelly, but we wouldn’t have it any other way! We love you, buddy. Thank you for making me a mommy. It is more than I ever dreamed of. I know your dad feels the same way. You have changed our lives for the better and we are honored to be your parents.